By McKenzie Snellgrove What follows is an anonymous testimony of a Centre student trapped in the library overnight. What they saw has never been recorded or publicly shared, until now… It all started when I was up late studying in the library, like any good Centre student does during midterms. Working on a particularly difficult […]
Category: CentOnion
Centre Announces Another New Study Abroad!
by Hallie Gleeson The staff of Centre Global are happy to announce the unveiling of another study abroad semester-away experience for students! After months of negotiations and international treaties spearheaded by the vast network of Centre’s alumni, the arrangements have been finalized. Now presenting “Stars, Sand, and Struggle: The Interplay of Egypt and Sudan,” a […]
Centre Announces New Study Abroad
By Anonymous Just this last week the Center Global announced the newest location to our study abroad roster, Centre-in-Antarctica! “Students will get a first hand experience with the effects of climate change on the polar ecosystem in a truly new way,” says a press release on the Centre Global website. They went on to say […]
Crime Made Easy: A Guide For Centre Colonels
by Anonymous Coalition, The “C.E.N.TO.” Hello! The C.E.N.T.O. believes that crime is good and should never pay. That is why, here at the Criminal’s Entertainment and Naughty Terrorist Organization, or The C.E.N.T.O. for short, we have decided to make this guide to help all Centre students, especially those who aren’t cowards and have guts, to […]
Ask Abe: Help, I Deserve Better
Dear Abe, I don’t think I deserved the grade I got on my exam, how should I go about fixing this? If a test defeats you, then you must retaliate by defeating it. Or, more precisely, you must defeat the person who created that test: your professor. When you stare at the failing grade on […]
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By Cole Hiller and Linley Mueller This week, on the Cento’s Trustworthy News Update, we have caught wind of a variety of interesting events. What a doozy for news this week! Here at The Cento, we are committed to bringing the most riveting, informative, curated news to your attention. We hope you can see the […]
The Cowan Round Table
by Elke Coenders Some members of the Algonquin Round Table visited Centre recently. They took over a Cowan table. I eavesdropped and wrote down some things they said. Edna Ferber: “Being a business major is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to study.” Dorothy Parker: “I like to have a […]
Looking For a Job At Centre?
by Aelwen Iredale We all know that Centre is expensive; we complain about it all the time. Between tuition, room and board, meal plans, and all the money we spend avoiding staying on campus, we are all broke college students, as per usual. But what if I told you there was a solution? Centre has […]
The Two-Party Problem of America
by Cole Hiller In case you didn’t know, the election was this year. I didn’t know that until the day of the election, when I was researching the candidates frantically while being driven to the polling station. Personally, I was too wrapped up in Antarctica’s politics to pay attention to American politics, so I voted […]
The Chevans Secret
by Adam West Hello, dear reader. The Cento recently received a concerning letter and believe that it would be best, as a newspaper, to publish it for your enjoyment. We cannot confirm or deny anything in this message. However, if you have any information that may validate or disprove this email, please contact us at […]