by Aelwen Iredale 5am: Wake up Time to get up and get at it, recruit! It’s time for you to prove your mettle as a soldier—I mean, student at Centre College. So, roll out of bed and throw on the first clothes you can find. Every minute you waste is a minute you could spend […]
Category: CentOnion
The Inside Scoop on the Crosswalk Demon of New Quad
by McKenzie Snellgrove Any Centre student who has been anywhere near New Quad in the past few weeks has inevitably come in contact with the raspy and alarming voice emanating from the crosswalk signal. As soon as students press the button to cross, they are met with a grating “WAIT!” soon followed by a loud […]
DPS Golf Cart Implicated in Hit-and-Run
by Aelwen Iredale Attention, Centre Students! Over the weekend, a DPS golf cart was commandeered by a yet-to-be-identified, reckless individual. As a poor student attempted to cross the street from the freshman dorms, the thief—outrunning DPS—hit the student. Without waiting for the student to recover, the driver sped off, ending their theft in a hit-and-run. […]
Centre’s Vanished Finances: A Saga
by Connor Park “Bellarmine?….Yeah, it’s Milton…..Listen, we’ve got some issues down here….” You didn’t really expect to be able to use all those Flex Dollars, did you? To students, it was portrayed as a clerical error—a minor technical mishap that resulted in each of us blessed with enough “special little treat” money to fill Herrington […]
Student Orchestra Head-Banger!
by Linley Mueller The Centre Symphony Orchestra has just performed their last concert of the year! It was a great representation of the vast genres that are involved in the world of music. There was more variety in this concert than the average playlist, and the show was truly entertaining. The orchestra started off by […]
The Hydra Moodle Update
by Hallie Gleeson It’s late at night, you’ve drained three Einstein coffees, and your eyes are blurry from staring at the blue light of your screen. The clock ticks closer to midnight. You feverishly add the finishing touches to your paper, and at last triumphantly put your finished document into Moodle. You click submit. The […]
The Cicadas Agenda
by Linley Mueller In the year of 2024, for the first time since 1803, there are two cicadas broods that are emerging to create one giant influx of cicadas. These are Broods XIX and XIII, coming together to produce a swarm of over a billion cicadas across the country. These specific cicadas are also going […]
When Should Fire Drills Be Scheduled?
by Aelwen Iredale When is the perfect moment for a fire drill? Some schools run them during different class times, so people learn the correct protocol in the different places they may find themselves on campus. Others randomize it to keep people on guard. Logically, though, the perfect moment is when people assume it may […]
Seal of Approval
by Hallie Gleeson For years, the campus tour guides have been pushing the administration’s agenda, despite but students’ demands for the truth to finally be told. These puppets for the admission office tell potential new Colonels that stepping on the seal before graduation will bring all sorts of awful luck: you’ll fail all your classes, […]
The Ghost in Centre’s Fog
by McKenzie Snellgrove and Linley Mueller It was a dark and hazy night in new quad… The silver moonlight shimmered on the concrete. Dew on the grass reflected the light from above. Then, a noise. Shoes on the hard steps that lead from Northside to Yerkes. Pale skin glimmering under the dim lamp post… Out […]