Seal of Approval

by Hallie Gleeson

For years, the campus tour guides have been pushing the administration’s agenda, despite but students’ demands for the truth to finally be told. These puppets for the admission office tell potential new Colonels that stepping on the seal before graduation will bring all sorts of awful luck: you’ll fail all your classes, struggle on your exams… the list goes on.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on the tour guides. After all, they are only students attempting to provide some insight into Centre’s history, and they must promise to propagate the mythos of the seal before receiving certification to guide independently.

And there is some shady truth to the idea that treating the seal with disrespect will harm your future prospects: treading on the Berry or Rhodes seal is truly a no-go. (The seal is not worthy of your footsteps.)

However, here’s what’s been kept from you: the seal’s power comes from the power of the second president’s beloved dog, Green. To find success, one must show the seal a daring display of confidence and superiority. Land a backflip on the seal, and you’ll ace your next presentation. Step on it together with your friends, and you’ll become prosperous and well-liked.

Don’t let the string-pulling of the admissions office keep you from finding success!

Not content to solely misinform you on how to best improve your future prospects, the admissions office’s propaganda has begun to expand. “Place a penny on Abe’s feet to ensure good luck in your studying,” they’ll tell you. Silly fools! Abe scoffs at your pitiful offerings. You’ll need at least thirteen dollars for your petty cash to have any effect. Aim too low, and you’ll have dismal grades and poor job outlooks to match your tiny bid.

Nevertheless, you don’t need to rely on Abe at all: why bother when the seal is just a few yards away? The real value of a Centre education is learning how to look past what you’ve been taught is true and discovering how to uncover the real nitty-gritty.

I urge you to take a stand. Trounce gleefully and youthfully over the seal every chance you get!

Roll Kerns, and rest easy knowing you can moonwalk flamboyantly past Old Centre without fear, no matter the weather or time of day.

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