DPS Golf Cart Implicated in Hit-and-Run

by Aelwen Iredale

Attention, Centre Students!

Over the weekend, a DPS golf cart was commandeered by a yet-to-be-identified, reckless individual. As a poor student attempted to cross the street from the freshman dorms, the thief—outrunning DPS—hit the student. Without waiting for the student to recover, the driver sped off, ending their theft in a hit-and-run.

The student, who remains unnamed due to inquiries into the legal repercussions the culprit could face, sustained minor injuries, but since Parsons remains closed on the weekend, another DPS Golf Cart was procured to transport them to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, the victim was alarmed at being in the very vehicle that had injured them, and they had to be sedated. Their current state is unknown, though doctors remain hopeful that they will one day be able to face golf carts once again.

The student was questioned regarding the identity of the culprit, but the darkness and speed at which they hit the student left their identity a mystery. Several DPS officers continued to pursue the reckless driver, but without their golf cart on hand, they lost the trail, and no tracks were left behind. The individual remains on the loose.

Here is the general alert to campus: be on the lookout for reckless drivers. The culprit of the hit-and-run remains on the loose, and they could strike again at any moment from the shadows. No one knows their identity, so be suspicious of any golf cart driver. No one wants to be the next victim developing “golf-cart-phobia.”

Could the golf cart strike between classes when crowds move across campus? Could it mow someone down as a tour visits? Or will you set foot on a crosswalk without looking around and be the next victim? It remains to be seen. Stay alert. To the versatile golf cart, the lawns are as good a hunting ground as the streets. Nowhere is safe.

Centre assures its students that it is doing everything in its power to catch this thief before there are any further incidents.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *