by Anonymous
Grad School. Jobs. Internships. Centreterm. Spring Semester. New Year’s Resolutions. It is the season of “new beginnings,” but it feels like I’m stuck in the same cycle that every season brings. During the New Year, you have to rebrand yourself for the spring. During the spring, you have to prepare for the summer. During the summer, we’re trying to fit every good thing into our lives before fall. During autumn, we have to plan for our winter rebrand. During the winter, it’s time to better yourself for the spring. From your study habits to your style to your hobbies to your body, every part of you must constantly be changing for the better. You need to be constantly focused on every tiny bit of you, constantly thinking of the future, constantly striving for more.
I’m exhausted. There is never a moment to slow down and just be. Why does every moment have to be spent being productive? We’re not machines. None of us can keep up with the constant demand for more. When we finish one assignment, there is always another waiting. School breaks are time to get ahead or to apply for jobs and internships and graduate schools. Weekends are times to buckle down and do homework. And each assignment demands improvement, constant and neverending. If you falter, you fall behind. If you slow down, you’re failing. If you aren’t moving up, you’re falling down. When you look around, everyone else is still going, still getting better, still reaching new achievements, and you’re standing still. But none of us can keep going forever.
So why is it that we can’t take a moment? Why is it that whenever I take a break, I feel guilty? Why is sleeping enough shameful? Why is suffering seen as a good sign of bettering yourself? None of it actually means anything if we burn ourselves out.
I’m not saying to give up and stop working. School is important, as are jobs and internships. It’s all necessary to our future. But what I am saying is that I watch my friends wear themselves down to supposedly do and be better, and all I really see is that they are destroying themselves. I get scared. Of course, I’m not immune to the pressure. I have a million unhealthy habits, but, like I said, the guilt that comes with sacrificing schoolwork—what a world I live in, to have to use the word sacrifice here—in order to sleep is suffocating. I can’t tear myself away without feeling unsure of myself. I feel like I’m in a rat race with no end. Life is a maze, yet I’m expected to have the map. I’m supposed to always be moving. My body, my grades, my habits—none of them are ever enough. Every minute I spend doing one thing could be spent doing a million other more productive things. It’s paralyzing.
I’m not going to pretend I have the answers. I’m not someone better or more knowing than you. I also know that this is a ridiculously dramatic article. But it’s how I feel. However, despite not having the solution, I want to try to be better—better to myself. Yes, I want to do well in school so that I set myself up for a successful future. I deserve that. I also want to take care of my body so I can do everything I want to do in the world. More than that, though, I want to slow down. I need to learn how, but I want to have moments where I am not thinking of the mile-long list of things I need to get done for future-me and focus on present-me. I want to be present in my life and treat myself with kindness.
So here are the words I can give to you—not answers, not solutions, not another list of ways to better yourself, just words: slow down. Please. Slow down. Give yourself what you need to live each day. Five, ten, fifteen minutes a day are enough. Just be instead of rushing. We’ve run so far in this race. And yes, there’s farther to go, but you don’t have to stop and stand still. Just walk. Slow down.