by McKenzie Snellgrove and Linley Mueller
Happy Halloween Colonels! If you are thinking about participating in that great modern college tradition of Halloweekend and wondering how to make it the best ever, you have come to the right place! Here at the Cento, we strive to help you make the best grades, cultivate great relationships with your professors, and get absolutely lit at the frats (safely, of course). So, without further ado, here are 5 (maybe 6…) tips to make this Halloweekend the spookiest and freakiest yet!
- Keep candy on hand! Remember to carry candy with you at all times just in case you run into a kid coming off of a sugar high, just waiting to pounce on anyone who gets in their way. Kids are bound to be roaming about on Halloween night. By giving them candy, you will curry favor with them and possibly other Gen Alphas emboldened by the anonymity of Halloween. It’s very important to stay safe on Halloween, and one of the main ways to do so is to protect yourself by buying your safety with candy. Big candy bars work best, but mainly go for quantity over quality. Make sure to have enough candy in your pocket to feed any child you come across. 200 pieces is customary.
- Incorporate alcohol into your costume! If you have ever seen those helmets with beer cans attached to the sides and straws that funnel the beer into your mouth, then you know what I’m talking about. Make your own alcohol-to-mouth funnel system and brilliantly incorporate it into your costume, ideally with the use of duct-tape. You could be Batman, hiding a handle of whiskey in your ears. Alternatively, you could be a construction worker with a tool belt of vodka shooters. The possibilities are endless, so let your imagination run free!
- Wear a diaper! Save yourself from the trips to the hellhole that is a frat bathroom by opting for a diaper. You may feel silly doing it, but that is what Halloween is for. Plus, if you incorporate it into your costume, it will not only make your costume realistic, but also practical. There is the downside of the stench, so make sure to load up on perfume or cologne to mask the smell–or not! Or, if you want to really get into the spirit of Halloween–go to tip #5.
- Print out scary photos and hang them around. Find the nearest printer to do this harmless prank that will make the party a bit more spooky and freaky. You can print out photos of anything you find scary, not too much though. I recommend printing out photos of FNAF characters and sticking them on the walls of the frat house. This would make the other people at the party confused but they should also find it a little silly. You could also print out pictures of Sans from Undertale or Slenderman. Something silly and a little spooky would make the party feel like a museum! Everyone will take turns looking at the art and you will feel successful! Good luck, people.
- Bathe in Pumpkin guts! It’s widely known that everyone loves Pumpkin flavored anything. Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin pie, pumpkin candles, pumpkin bread, the list goes on and on! So, if you are looking to attract a Halloweekend boo at the frats, gather together some pumpkins, scoop out the guts (carve the pumpkins if you have the time), and let them simmer in a bathtub for 15 minutes before having a soak. Of course, bathtubs are rare on Centre’s campus, so, alternatively, any kind of natural stream or creek will work fine. This will make you smell irresistible and stand out at the frats!
- Summon a Demon! Just to be safe, make sure to summon a demon to avoid any kind of unexpected curses that might come about over the course of the weekend. Oftentimes, on Halloween, you have to beware of curses, restless spirits, and belligerent drunk frat guys. With this tip, however, you can spare yourself the trouble just by gathering together a few simple ingredients—pig’s tongue, frog’s leg, blood of a virgin, powdered opium—and chanting a few easy Latin phrases in the light of the moon. Bing, bang, boom: you’ve got yourself a demon for the night. Not only will he protect you from any vengeful specters or Halloween frights, but he will also kindly supply you with as much liquor and ale as you require (for the low low price of your mortal soul).