by Hallie Gleeson
Fellow Colonels, check your calendars! You might note something unusual coming up—finals week is looking different this year! Well, that’s not exactly right…there is no finals week this year! Just a finals day!
Centre is trialing a new schedule this semester. Following health concerns over the copious amounts of caffeine consumed and lack of sleep during finals, the college has decided that from now on, all finals will be given on the same day!
This new system will allow students to get back home earlier, meaning that breaks can end earlier, too. How else would Centre students get ahead?
Less days taken up by finals means that more classes can be held. After all, Centre is well known for forging on with classes over holidays. Why not have classes during what used to be finals week, too? Simply set aside one day and condense all the exams together.
But wait—there’s more! Due to time constraints, it would be impossible to have a full three hour period for every class without stretching exams into the early and late hours of the day. This was not an appealing solution, so an alternative format has been proposed instead! Rather than taking one three-hour long exam for each class, students will now be able to take three exams in one hour! For the fourth (or fifth) class, students will be expected to schedule the traditional three hour final themselves.
In order to facilitate this, allthe exams have been condensed! For example, a student enrolled in an oil painting class, an economics class, and a theatre class may need to stage an art exhibition as a painter-entrepreneur, with success measured by units sold. A student taking environmental studies, political science, and Con law would simply have to try not to cry for an hour while doomscrolling major news networks. The final for physics, neurology, and philosophical ethics is split: half of the class must study Einstein’s brain, while the other half must either convince them to stop or engineer traps to stop them.
Professors have expressed outrage at this decision, citing concerns over feasibility, test metrics, and coordination with other professors to design the exams. However, their worries have been disregarded because of the value these interdisciplinary finals will bring to students.
During Finals Day, please note that Cowan, Einstein’s, the Flame Café, and Hall of Fame will be closed. For lunch, there will be a pop-up located on the third floor of Crounse. This location was chosen for its ease of accessibility: climb three flights of stairs, go down the inner stairwell, jump through the interdimensional portal located by the conference rooms, and scale the walls of the building. Enter through the window on the roof. If there is inclement weather, lunch will be postponed to a date in March.
See you on Sunday, December 7th! Day of rest? No. Try a day of tests!