by Anonymous
Welcome back to campus, Centre. I know we’re all excited for the school year to start, but before we get too worried about classes that we already have exams and papers in, we need to create the right tone for the year, and the best way to do so is with a decorated dorm. However, we can’t use Command Strips anymore, so it’s time to get creative. After all, we apparently wasted money on the college-ready Command Hooks, so we need solutions that don’t require spending more money. As a Centre student, this problem has been approached scientifically, and a team of students have tested and ranked several options for putting up your decorations.
- Glue. Now, I was skeptical at first, too. Glue feels harsh and means you cannot move your decorations once they are up. However, they will not fall. How many times have you awoken to a crash because a picture has fallen? Not with glue. That painting will remain a decoration that, unless you find a dissolvent, will remain in that dorm for the rest of time. Yes, the team admitted that that is a downside of glue, but they were testing getting things up onto walls, not down. We’re on our own for that, folks.
- Tape. We all know students use this already, and for postcards, printed photographs, and posters, this is typical (and, yes, we know it’s technically a no-no, but it’s readily available, so we tested it). Its use can easily be expanded to string lights, banners, and a plethora of light decorations. (I recommend at least duct tape strength if you want to put up something framed). The downside of tape is that it will tear away the paint, and Centre will make you pay dearly. Our team of scientists determined that the best way to take the pictures down is to cut the tape off and leave it on the wall. It will give a nice sheen to the walls.
- Pushpins. As we arrive farther down on the list, we must acknowledge that this puts holes in walls, and that is not recommended. However, this is the only tool outside of Command Hooks that creates the jutting-out effect we need to hang towels or robes or other knickknacks around the room. So, Centre students, find a large pushpin with a tiny pin. (And look up ways to fill in holes later).
- Gum. Our team has determined that gum is an adequate tool for pasting flimsier decorations up and a cheaper option than putty. Now, the data does reveal the falls are more frequent than they would like and reapplication may be necessary, but as a cheap option, we’ve sacrificed quality for quantity (a common theme at Centre).
- Off-brand Command Strips/Hooks. Listen, they banned Command Hooks and Command Strips. They never said anything about the off-brand. (And those are usually cheaper, anyway). Use your liberal arts education and find a loophole.
Good luck on your decorating, Centre. We all know it won’t be done until Christmas break.