by Cornelius Binghamfart the Third, President of the Association Against Blue Dogs
The latest Centre College theater show, appropriately titled Witch, is filled with devil worshippers. The play horrendously includes a person playing a devil, and is a mockery of the theater program! This is exactly what Dungeons and Dragons and heavy metal music has led to: Satanism.
I never thought, in my seventh year as a junior, I would witness such an atrocity of a play. The Arsonists, although I agreed with Mr. Biedermann and could not believe that those two lovely gentlemen were arsonists, laid the unfortunate foundation for a play with including the death of good meaning people and fire being allowed on stage. They were smoking real cigarettes! Since I got here, Centre College has seen far too many teenage dirtbags fill this college, especially in the theater department. And I blame the media.
Stranger Things. Sam Smith. That Dahmer TV Show. All of these have destroyed our youths’ values and morals. But one television show has been circulating that has caused all ages to look to the devil as though it is their salvation: Bluey. Bluey has caused children to do the one thing they were never supposed to do: learn! The Australians, especially their blue heeler dogs, are the devil’s toys. The Australians have been idle for too long, and now have caused the children to fall to the dark side! These dogs attempt to teach kindness and curiosity, the two traits which are most likely to lead people to SATAN.
Witch, which opens on April 16th and finishes its devilish course on the 19th, should cause a riot! Naturally, the show is going on for three of the devil’s numbers: 6, 7, and 9 (the number 7 fell to the devil when it ate 8). This thinly veiled satanic ritual even includes a live blue heeler that looks far too much like the demons on Bluey!
Ever since Centre College got Blue, Centre’s first dog, this college has become overrun by the devil dogs! Lucifer has let the dogs out! Heed my warning, and take care of your children! Do not go see Witch, it is a devil-worshipping play designed to cause people to become witches, warlocks, and dog owners!
Witch features a cast of six, a devilish number of people, and the plot includes them LITERALLY SELLING THEIR SOUL TO THE DEVIL! I, for one, was not surprised by this atrocity.
Dedicated to Kane Anderson