by Aelwen Iredale
Alright, Centre students, there’s a new obstacle on your way to classes. Not only must you avoid gnats, wasps, rotting walnuts, and your various opps, you must now avoid the sprinkler system outside of Sutcliffe. You think it’s gone now that the statue’s up? No. Morning, noon, and night, the sprinklers are a permanent addition to campus, watering the grass—drowning the grass, in fact—and soaking students to the bone. Even the rain is not as powerful as the sprinklers which continue to through downpours. Centre loves its grass, so perhaps the nutrients of the water they’re gardening with is richer than that of the rain. Either way, students are also being watered, but I don’t know if that gives us nutrients. The rain is coming down vertically and the sprinklers are spraying horizontally, so unless you’re a new engineering major with an anti-Centre-sprinkler umbrella, you are going to get wet somehow. Not even dodging will save you! This is the sprinkler apocalypse. All we can do is wear our raincoats and keep our umbrellas at the ready for the next sprinkler battle. May the odds be ever in your favor!
Image of the new obstacle to be implemented this Thursday.
(Previously tested on students in the making of Rogers Plaza.)