by Anonymous Coalition, The “C.E.N.TO.”
Hello! The C.E.N.T.O. believes that crime is good and should never pay. That is why, here at the Criminal’s Entertainment and Naughty Terrorist Organization, or The C.E.N.T.O. for short, we have decided to make this guide to help all Centre students, especially those who aren’t cowards and have guts, to commit crime.
How To Break Into The Library
(WARNING: this crime is very boring to perpetrate and only worthwhile if the puzzle that week is good.)
- Enter Crounse. You can do this at any time with your student ID.
- There are other ways to do this that might bypass the rest of these steps. Some of the fun ones we have found are creating a gap in the wall, cutting a hole in the fourth floor ceiling and rappelling down, or hiring a locksmith.
- Go to the third floor of Crounse, right in front of the window.
- Break said window.
- Even though rocks are a classic, we personally find that breaking glass with style gets you coolness points. In specific, blow torches will get you some fire emojis from us!
- Welcome to the library!
Editor’s note: The person who started this guide broke into the library and accidentally put herself into a coma after stealing priceless artifacts from the Archives.
How to Commit Murder
- Lock your target in a study room, preferably one in New Quad. The person should die due to mold poisoning.
How to Pass Chemistry
- Bribery.
How To Institute an Authoritarian Regime
- Join a frat.
- Become a valued and trusted member of said frat.
- Become a model fraternity member.
- Go to all the events.
- Become the DJ. Everyone like a good DJ.
- Become the leader of the frat.
- Institute new hazing rules that don’t seem too bad at first.
- Running the flame might be popular, but have you tried moonwalking the flame?
- Put a family member in charge of the Greek Life Office on campus, so you won’t get reported.
- Start a war with the other frats.
- Once you have won your war and become supreme general of all frats on campus, instate puppet leaders who will follow your every command.
- Now that you have control over all the frats on campus, you can create whatever hazing rules you want. The more sadistic to do the better!
How to Sneak Alcohol on Campus
The C.E.N.T.O. does not support underage drinking in any way, shape, or form. Although we do support the sale of alcohol to minors, we cannot assist in the consumption of alcohol by people who are underage.
We here at the Criminal’s Entertainment and Naughty Terrorist Organization hope that you have learned how to make campus less safe and how to commit dastardly crimes!