By Connor Parks<\/p>\n
And now, a special message for Centre students from Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell.<\/p>\n
(Note: Due to Sen. McConnell\u2019s impressive physical fitness and immensely muscular biceps, he was unable to physically write this statement and has employed the use of voice transcription technology. What follows is a fair and honest representation of his opinions.) <\/b><\/p>\n
Honourable students of why is it why is it typing ok it\u2019s typing everything I errr I say okay whoa nelly so I just I just talk and it writes what I say?
\n*indistinct conversation*
\nThat so? Ok here we\u2026. Nobody gave me my peas for lunch earlier oh you want me to go ahead? Ok I\u2019ll go alrighty uh
\n*whooping cough-esque noise*
\nHonourable students of Centre College. Oh that\u2019s down in Danville isn\u2019t it oh okay, well errr students, as you all know, it\u2019s an important year, this, uh, 1996, and we\u2019ve gotta get Clinton and his boys outta th- wha?
\n*indistinct conversation*
\nTwenty\u2026twenty twenty six, okay, it\u2019s a big election comin\u2019 up for Donald and some governors and even me I guess. There\u2019s gonna be\u2026uh\u2026well some polls, and a lot of \u2018em. So get out there and let\u2019s make it a blue wave\u2026oh a red, red wave, ok\u2026
\nWell you know you can vote any sort of way I suppose, they say you can even put it in the mailbox now or probably through the tiktok or the facebook or uh\u2026 well\u2026 what was I\u2026
\nRight, right, you gotta stick to your guts, think about your issues, ya know? I think healthcare is something every American should be thinking about because boy, let me say, these hospitals have sure been somethin\u2019. Elaine and I have just been in and out of \u2018em and lordamercy I think I might\u2019ve even died for a little while because one mornin\u2019 I came to and that Claude fella on the computer had gone and made up a\u2026 a picture of me \u2018cause everyone thought I kicked the can, and well I, uh..
\nOh, also guns, that\u2019s\u2026 Kentucky, guns, you know, just like Bourbon and the errr\u2026 the kids in the sports, that\u2019s\u2026 we gotta tackle the big picture issues, like.. like\u2026 like\u2026.
\nHell it\u2019s 4 p.m, I\u2019m sleepy, whatever. Bellarmine, vote like your life depends on it, because they\u2019re telling me mine probably does, and uh\u2026
\n*indistinct conversation, slightly more frustrated*
\nRight, Centre\u2026. McConnell 2026, don\u2019t forget!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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