{"id":1484,"date":"2014-11-06T23:00:35","date_gmt":"2014-11-07T04:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/?p=1484"},"modified":"2014-11-06T23:00:35","modified_gmt":"2014-11-07T04:00:35","slug":"the-ten-things-you-didnt-know-about-playing-soccer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/2014\/11\/06\/the-ten-things-you-didnt-know-about-playing-soccer\/","title":{"rendered":"The ten things you didn\u2019t know about playing soccer"},"content":{"rendered":"

By MASON McCLAY –\u00a0STAFF WRITER<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Soccer, the sport of the gods, has eluded my skillset for years. And in light of the praise and attention the soccer players are getting, for their incredible victories, I have decided to \u201ckick\u201d out of my bubble of fear of all things team-oriented and delve into my inner Soccerates. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Through trial and error and with the guidance of Centre\u2019s own center back, Henry Lynch, I have torn through the turf and analyzed the ten best pieces of advice provided to me by representatives of the Colonels. Before reading ahead, be warned that the experiences described are in fact real, graphic, and potentially insulting. Reader\u2019s discretion is advised.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 1: \u201cWhen I took my first Physics course last semester, I learned a lot about aerodynamics and hydrodynamics. The dorsal fins of sharks, for example, help streamline its movements. My fade mimics this function, and makes me a more agile player.\u201d Jacob Trumbull \u201816<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 1: While playing against an opponent, the streak of long red hair not only made me more hairodynamic, but also seemed to distract him enough for me to get by with ease.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 2: \u201cIt\u2019s okay to skip leg day, but if you do, double up on one-handed push-ups.\u201d Henry Lynch \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 2: Because of my pride in quad strength, it was actually very difficult for me to skip leg day. But I fought through my urges and opted for three-quarters of a one-handed push-up, twice the normal amount. Results were negligible.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 3: \u201cWhen you\u2019re in the zone and have an extrasensory focus, allow your mind to flow with the ball, and then stare your opponent in the eye as if you\u2019re about to kick the ball right through him.\u201d Fabien Celestien \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 3: This trial brought with it the focus of a hawk searching for prey and the intensity of a proton within the Large Hadron Collider. It was so intense that my ball\u2019s trajectory went far beyond 60 meters directly into my opponent\u2019s goal. Thanks for the advice, Fabien!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 4: \u201cDon\u2019t watch soccer on TV. It\u2019s not very interesting, and while the pros might seem good, they use a lot of poor techniques that\u2019ll cause you to learn the game wrong if you watch it too intently.\u201d Henry Lynch \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 4: With 12 simple steps, sport-watching had become sport-dreaming, which has actually been shown to improve skills.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 5: \u201cIf you\u2019re having a bad hair day, chances are so is another teammate. Take to the field with the knowingness that you\u2019ll be in solidarity against bad hair. Your teammate wins and loses with you, after all. Don\u2019t feel so alone\u201d Luke Hart \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 5: Let\u2019s be honest\u2014my hair is basically flawless. Rather than subjecting myself to a \u201cbad hair day,\u201d I took Luke\u2019s advice as a metaphor: your team will be there to fight with you no matter how you feel, so it\u2019s okay to lean on them for support. This tip helped immensely in the latter half of my trials out on the field with the teammates.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 6: \u201cIf you play in practice as you would in a game, you\u2019re able to find your rhythm much more naturally and quickly.\u201d Dylan Spencer \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 6: As my life\u2019s motto is, \u201cPursue with thy hardest, or sullenly retreat to thine abode,\u201d I had no doubt that<\/span><\/span> <\/b>I had been acting on this piece of advice all along.<\/span><\/span> <\/b><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 7: \u201cIf you lose the ball, the priority is to get it back, no exceptions. Don\u2019t be demoralized by losing it. Go get it.\u201d Fabien Celestien \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 7: Adamantly adhering to this advice, I intentionally gave the ball up to test my responsive motivation. In conclusion, I went a bit too hard, tripped, and got a grass stain on my favorite shorts. Never again.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 8: \u201cIf you can\u2019t afford the salon fee<\/span><\/span> <\/b>for a fade, wear headbands, but only when your hair is not long enough to wear headbands.\u201d Luke Hart \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 8: My hair has perpetually been this awkward middle length for the past three years, so it was no problem for me to practice with the \u201cvanity band.\u201d However, my hair is too thick and unwieldy to be constrained by the likes of a thin piece of synthetic, so I constructed my own metalloid band that had the added benefit of blinding my opponents by reflecting sunrays into their corneas.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 9: \u201cYou gotta be creative, think outside the box, and be unselfish. You gotta do your do, man.\u201d Luke Hart \u201817<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 9: It was set up perfectly: I had my pilot friend fly above Danville and create a smiley face from fumes on a cloudless day. At the same time, I had a friend ready to run onto the field and place a soccer ball by the goal, since I still did not know how to dribble. When all were distracted by the smiley, the new ball was placed by the goal. I still missed horribly.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tip 10: \u201cThis is a piece of advice I\u2019ve never given anyone, but I finally feel comfortable revealing it here. It\u2019s all about the team bonding. When you\u2019re together, you become one with your teammate, an extension of their existence, if you will. Eventually this bond becomes so real in a spiritual sense that when you touch your hair with you teammate\u2019s, it fuses together to form a spiritual bridge. Then communication is instantaneous and synchronous. Never again will a game be lost when this connection is established.\u201d Anonymous<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Result 10: This was by far the most ethereal piece of advice given during a sports interview of this kind.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By MASON McCLAY –\u00a0STAFF WRITER Soccer, the sport of the gods, has eluded my skillset for years. And in light of the praise and attention the soccer players are getting, for their incredible victories, I have decided to \u201ckick\u201d out of my bubble of fear of all things team-oriented and delve into my inner Soccerates. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-features"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1484"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1484"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1484"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cento.centre.edu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1484"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}